Audit Your Rituals
Author: Blake Estape L.Ac.
Winter has come. Here in South Florida we can look forward to (slightly) cooler temperatures and more outdoor festivals to enjoy. But although the weather doesn’t force us inside like other parts of the country, winter should still serve as a time of conservation and introspection. Let me explain.
In a previous article I discussed how Chinese medicine views Fall. In short, the autumn months are a transformative period where we let go of summer’s frenetic nature and ‘harvest the fruits of our labor.’ We take stock of the past year and meditate on what lessons we’ve learned.
Armed with this information, and in keeping with the philosophy of ‘be as nature’, we should use winter as a time to let things go. What I would like to focus on with this article is, specifically, our rituals. Not the religious sort; rather, the day-to-day customs we employ sometimes even without thinking. When is the last time you critically analyzed these rituals? How many of them are serving a healthy purpose, and how many should you abandon?
Rituals are very powerful. From the weekly phone call with your parents to that post-meal piece of chocolate, rituals can be a defining part of your life for better and for worse. For me, my morning shower is non-negotiable – without it my whole day suffers.
In my example a shower has been given the power to make or break my morning. Habitual actions like our inner monologue can be considered a ritual, and one that can have a great impact on mental health. Our lives are filled with baby ceremonies and not all are deserving of the effort we put into them.
Winter can be a time to allow these unhealthy rituals to wither. By identifying and eliminating these insidious habits, we can be prepared for the new year with more bandwidth for positive things. How can we do that, you may ask? With effort, patience, and a process.
Step 1: Identifying the Ritual
Remember that article about autumn? It talked about consolidation and introspection. For most of us it isn’t difficult to identify a few things we’d like to change about ourselves – I’d like to lose weight; I’d like to be less anxious; I’d like to be more considerate, etc. A harder look can reveal rituals which contribute to these undesirable traits. The Chinese medicine principle of ‘treating the root’ applies here, in that if we can eliminate the factors that feed these traits we can begin to change them.
Get to know the anatomy of these rituals. Do they have a trigger? Do they occur consciously? How often are they performed? What sort of reward do you get for performing them? This last one is important, because a ritual is only persistent if you ‘get’ something out of it. It can be direct like the sugar rush from dessert, or cunning like the ‘deserved’ sense of anguish from self-abusive thoughts.
Step 2: Change the Ritual
Completely uprooting a ritual can be hard. Anyone who’s tried to quit smoking quickly realizes that stopping ‘cold turkey’ is the hardest way to go. Possible, yes, but difficult. So we negotiate, changing the smoking ritual by replacing cigarettes with gum or toothpicks or lollipops.
This tactic can be widely applied. If we make adjustments to the habit instead of trying to eliminate it entirely, we may have more success. Like judo, you don’t have to face the force head on. Sometimes it’s better to redirect it. Take for example sugary desserts. Healthier alternatives like fruit can still satisfy that sweet tooth while avoiding the guilt and weight gain. Sure it isn’t as nice as chocolate, but the payout is better. Instead of trying to silence that inner voice you can give it a different script, one that’s kinder, even if you don’t believe it at first.
One tactic to keep you focused on the goal is to write it out, like a sort of mantra. For example:
“After dinner I’ll have a cup of cantaloupe instead of a chocolate bar, because it will help me lose weight.”
“When I have self-abusive thoughts I’ll start to list positive qualities, because it will help me feel better about myself.”
There you are, two steps to audit our rituals and change what we don’t like. Simple, but simple doesn’t always mean easy. Remember that these habits have been practiced for a long time and breaking them will be difficult. Be patient with yourself, the desire to improve and time to enact your plan is all you need. Come spring, we’ll have fertile ground with which to grow better rituals.
